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An unexpected turn


I'm not even sure if I will post this, but I know I need to be able to journal some thoughts and feelings about what's currently happening.


I woke up yesterday at our house in Utrecht and I woke up today in a friend's apartment in Brooklyn. I've made a very last-minute trip to New York and am only staying for a few days before I fly back to the Netherlands.


I'm here because of the thing that I alluded to in my previous post -- the event over which we have no control -- a very dear, close friend (basically family member) is terminally ill and may not have much time left to live.


This person has been there so much for me over the past decade plus that I can barely recount all of the moments we've shared and the special nature of this relationship. I honestly cannot bear to think about a reality where I'm not able to call or text him to see how he's doing, to hear his laugh, to solicit advice / guidance and to share our lives.


He means so much to me and to so many others in the theater community and in many other communities.


In just a little while, I'm meant to be going to see him for what might be the final time. Even typing those words makes me feel nauseous and I can barely allow myself to think about it. Or consider the reality for more than a few, brief moments.


Having moved so far away, it has been such a comfort to know that I'd be able to be in touch with this support network of people where this friend is at the top of the list. I looked forward to trips like this so that we could all hang out and spend time together and make new memories even though we are normally separated by so much distance.


I'm not sure how I'm going to do this, but I'm very grateful that I'm able to spend this time with him and to let him know how much I love him and how much of a difference he's made in my life.


My thoughts are so scattershot at the moment -- I hope I can collect myself.

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